I love to start over. Love to leave anything that wasn’t working behind and choose how I want to change or tweak my focus. There’s a coaching exercise that begins with naming the game you’re playing and the results that you’ll call “winning”. It’s an exercise that isn’t always as easy as it sounds!

Think about the difference between playing the game of becoming a well-known expert versus the game of doubling your practice.  They might be related, but winning has a different definition for each game and you’d use different strategies for success.

Here are some games I’m trying on this week as I consider what 2009 means for my business:

• The simple game of self-sufficiency. Winning means that my business maintains a consistent level of profitability and contribution to my family’s bottom line.
• The game of significant impact. Winning means that I have at least 8 individuals who believe that working with me made a dramatic difference in their lives in 2009. The key is “dramatic”. 
• The game of reach. Winning means that I increase my “tribe”. Increase my community and network. Attract new readers, new people into my classes. Publish regularly and in new venues. Winning will involve a degree of impact, but the impact is in breadth, not so much in depth.
• The game of coaching mastery. Challenging my skills by being critiqued and coached by very experienced master coaches. This involves having the really great coaches hear me coach and give feedback. It’s different than training. I do both consulting and coaching- and while I do think I’m good, I know there are different degrees of good when it comes to the coaching side. There are few master coaches, and you’ll know the difference if you have one. It’s harder to define “winning” this game; it would likely be getting excellent reviews on my coaching.
• The game of product development. Winning means I have a product set of some sort, video, another book, etc. etc. and a potential source of additional revenue and impact.

You can see where my priorities might be a bit different depending on which game I play to win. Every one of those games is one I want to win, but I can’t play them all well at the same time. I might end up blending them, product development might be a strategy focus in the game of reach, for example. However, my chances of winning are greatly improved by how clearly I focus.

So- I’m not there quite yet.  How about you?  What game are you playing this year? What does winning look like?

Start with those two questions and then you’ve got what you need to determine the strategies and skills to win the game.

Here’s to an amazing new year!

Note: If adding clients is your game, The Get Clients Now! program starting Tuesday, January 20th, still has places open. Great skills, great focus, great support- check it out: http://www.successfullysolo.com/courses_products.html#client

Stephen Covey would call it “sharpening the saw”. I call it “rejuvenate & refocus”. Whatever you call it, take the time to take care of yourself this month. Celebrate the progress you made this year, and then start ramping up- perhaps by gearing down.

Here’s what I’m not doing this month:

• Getting all tied up in what I’m told I “should” & shouldn’t” be doing vis a vis online marketing and relationship building (turns out this was a significant energy drain for me, entirely self-inflicted)
• Feeling forced to post, tweet or update my status and stressed about making each interaction “valuable” and unique
• Changing my website copy
• Filing anything to read later, email or paper
• Worrying about holiday cards, shopping or baking I’m never going to get to
• Feeling guilty about “wasting” time
• Making commitments that interfere with my rejuvenate/refocus priorities
• Regretting anything I can’t change

Here’s what I am up to this month:

• Coaching, doing some extra pro bono
• Throwing things out
• Learning - reading list below
• Playing with ideas
• Thinking about what’s important, what isn’t; what works for me, what doesn’t  (yup, not planning, not making lists, just thinking about my focus)
• Figuring out how to get healthier - is 2009 the year of ice skating?
• Connecting with people I miss and people who inspire me
• Staying in the now
• Wasting time
• Blocking January so I know what it looks like (& don’t have to worry about it while I’m in this December hiatus)

My current reading list:

• Meatball Sundae & Tribes, by Seth Godin. I’ve skimmed them, but I want to read and rethink my business at the same time.
• Reality Check, Guy Kawasaki’s latest, which I’ve already sent to two clients because it was such a great fit for our coaching topics. I love this book, I want to spend time with it. (It’s fun! It’s educational!)
• Change or Die, by Alan Deutschman. I want to check in briefly for another look at his methods and examples of change. Some great “keys” to changing. Validates coaching.
• The Back of the Napkin, by Dan Roam. OK, this is pure fun and inspiration! I’m hugely interested in changing all of my speaking materials to visuals. Not as easy as you might think. This book’s about visual thinking. Solving problems and selling ideas with pictures. If all of the text on my website is replaced by hand-drawn stick figures next year, it’s because of this book.
• What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, by Marshall Goldsmith.  Great book on leadership, great format, actionable, solid examples. I want to revisit for inspiration and ideas. Anything he writes is good stuff.
• Something new on self-confidence. I do a lot of work on confidence, in one way or another, and I’d like to see if there’s anything new out there.  Haven’t researched it yet, this might be a book or an ecourse, not sure. Ideas? Let me know.

Give yourself permission (and a mandate) to be good to yourself as the year ends, even if it means ignoring the “shoulds” in your life today. Do what it takes to start the new year with a big intention and lots of energy.

You deserve the best!  Barbara

In Act 2 of Steven Sondheim’s musical, Into the Woods, the Baker’s Wife finds herself kissing Cinderella’s Prince Charming- and she turns to the audience and sings:

This is ridiculous, what am I doing here? I’m in the wrong story.

For the past two years, I’ve been working with someone who was stuck in the wrong story. No Prince Charming involved, but there is a happy ending. I’ve been sitting on this post because the story seems too perfect- but in fact, I am blown away by the perfection of it. I offer it to those of you who might need a boost of possibility. Once again, it’s true. Name changed to protect the lawyer, but, hey- if you want to talk to her, get in touch with me!

When Kim came to me she wanted to work on marketing and build skills around closing new business. She was a shareholder in a large firm; she’d just gone through a year-end review and she was feeling the “numbers” pressure. Kim created an ideal client profile, researched and found likely prospects, and began to work a marketing plan with specific activities and a timeline. 

When Kim executed her marketing plan, she got results. Prospects liked her; she created relationships; she was trustworthy. Her confidence and skills grew, however, even when she felt successful, her interest in marketing did not.

Kim loved litigation and research; she loved her specialty; she didn’t love origination. She loathed the politics that came up related to claiming credit for new business. She resented the games she felt she had to play. As time passed, Kim remained unhappy, even though she’d solved what she thought was her “problem”.

We started working more broadly, talking about values, what she wanted and didn’t want. Kim cleaned up issues in her personal life. As everything else improved, her dissatisfaction with her work life grew in contrast. Kim was in the wrong story. She made the decision to explore alternative careers and spent time to get clear on what she was willing to trade for her new life; income, security, prestige, the comfort of the familiar. Money was a valid and serious concern, but finally, Kim allowed herself to consider the possibility of a radically different life.

Things moved quickly. She created a plan and leveraged her existing network to meet the key people recognized as leaders in the emerging field that she loves. Within about 5 months, she established a reputation as an expert. She attended conferences, published papers, held seminars and spent time in the community. The energy of our coaching calls changed completely. Despite being out of her comfort zone, Kim was trying new things and having a great time.

Finally, she was ready to apply for a new job.  Kim searched the web and relevant publications. She put herself in the right places to hear about positions opening. She let a few people know she was interested in new opportunities. Kim approached her job search with the same consistency as she did her marketing plan, but with a lot more excitement!

Kim was turned down for one position and never got interviews for a couple others. One exciting job seemed perfect on paper- but was also a very long shot. While that’s not a great situation to be in, the angst re applying was low because there just wasn’t much to lose. Kim saw how her experience could be leveraged to fit the position and figured out how to present herself in that way. With preparation and intent, she got the interview.

You know the ending. Kim got the job and she’s thrilled. The firm agreed to her proposal to retain her as a fixed income partner, which made the new position feasible from a “pay your bills” point of view. She eventually found people to rent her house so she could afford to relocate closer to the job. Her sister agreed to take her dog, because Kim will be traveling much more. Every obstacle was cleared.

Whether it’s your whole story or just a chapter that you’d like to rewrite, allow for the possibility and start the process. You may struggle to get clear on what you want. The journey may be a long one, but if you don’t allow yourself to consider the life you want, you’ll never get it.

I began with a quote from a play, seems right to end with a quote from a playwrite.

The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them.  - George Bernard Shaw

What about you? What possibility would you like to look for in 2009?

I’m very excited that Grant is doing a second teleseminar for us tomorrow, Nov. 19th, at 4pm ET. For more information, check it out. If you have questions you didn’t ask in our last conversation, or if you’d just like a chance to hear what Grant has to say about websites and blogging, call in and listen.

Here’s a brief commercial message from your sponsor so we don’t have to spend time on the call- If you’re thinking about your website and blogging, you probably want to rev up your marketing efforts. The Get Clients Now! program is a fantastic way to get into action. First, you create a brief but specific marketing plan- then you have coaching calls each week for support and accountability. The coaching groups are about 8-10 people. By the end of the coaching period you’ll have learned how to make time for marketing, what to do, and how to stay in action. New classes start in January, more options will be posted within the week.

What you measure improves, what you measure and report on improves exponentially! Plan a strong start in the new year!

At 6:30pm last night, my happy, relaxed kid turned into a sobbing, hopeless mess. All it took was a phone call from a friend who had a question about homework. Homework that she’d forgotten. Her reaction was that she couldn’t possibly get it done. Hanna went from zero to failure in about 5 seconds!

We sat down together for a reality check. She had 2 1/2 hours before her usual retreat to bed. She had everything she needed to do the work and she knew what to do. Finally, turning the assignment in late would result in just a 5 point reduction in her score- and it would be her first offense.  The meltdown resulted from the simple fact that it was unexpected. We’d just come home from a fun day and she wanted to relax. In that moment, when her plans were disrupted, she felt completely out of control. 

OK- parental confession, it’s all my fault! In an attempt to avoid that kind of anxiety, I’ve been a little too hung up on planning ahead. I’ve been so successful at avoiding suprises that Hanna has no experience in how to deal with them. In fact, MY first reaction was annoyance, because she’d said she’d finished her homework. But isn’t knowing how to handle yourself when faced with unexpected events even more important than being an expert at preventing them?  Hanna & I need to exercise our “roll with the punches” muscles.

Roll with the punches is defined as “to adjust to difficult events as they happen”. The term is based on boxing, from the literal meaning roll with the punches, to step back or to one side as you are being hit, so that you don’t receive the full force of the attack. Sounds like a good idea to me.

Here are three questions that will help you roll with the punches:

1. What is true about the situation?
2. What’s the worst thing that can happen? 
3. What does it make sense to do? What will serve me best?

After walking through the questions, take a deep breath and relax. Changing the past isn’t an option. What’s important is how you respond in the moment. Consider putting your pajamas on, it worked for Hanna!

Emotional flexibility and the ability to “roll with the punches” is a gift I’m going to work hard to give my daughter. How about you? Would you be more productive if you had more control over how you react? Here’s the good news - you already do.

Have you seen the carpet cleaning commercial that sends you running to rent a steamer?

2 women are chatting in an all-white living room. Suddenly a boy’s voice bursts in excitedly, “Mom, you’ve gotta see this!!” The women ignore him and keep chatting, but the boy calls out again. His mom exchanges an annoyed look with her friend and still doesn’t respond - until she starts SHRIEKING!!  Panic! “NO! Toby NO! Get him out of here!” The family dog has entered the room- showing off the trick the boy taught him. He is dragging what my daughter would call his “bottom” across the white carpet. Sitting and scooting. Get the picture?

I LOVE that commercial. It’s diabolically creepy. Chances are, if you own a dog, at some point you’ve had a little worry in the back of your mind about what might be on the rug. Especially if you have kids who like to roll around with the dog or lie on the floor watching the latest High School Musical DVD with friends.

Unless you have an event coming up, carpet cleaning is one of those things you know you should do, but never get around to.The commercial is amazing because it creates an immediate desire for the remedy.  I’m not a clean freak, so it can’t be just me. Heck, if you have a vivid imagination, you might be switching to google “carpet cleaners” right now! (can’t get that dog scooting across the carpet off my mind!)

The idea is to find a marketing message that taps into people’s concerns in a way that compells them to address them. More easily said than done for most of us. However, if you start with that approach, your message will be more effective.

An example on the business side might relate to employee management processes. As they add people, firms know they need handbooks, structure & training, but rarely prioritize the effort until something “bad” happens. Working with individuals, the easiest example are the many, many people who know they should have a will, but don’t get around to it.

Take a piece of paper and make two columns. On the left side- list the undesirable consequences you prevent. Problems your clients will not have as a result of working with you. On the right side- list the events or circumstances that cause your client to need a lawyer. The problems you solve for your clients. Creating a side-by-side comparison might help you think of more variations. Then use what you’ve learned to update your own marketing conversation.

I’m inundated with offers from folks who promise they will help me come up with exactly the right message. I’m sure an expert would improve my copy no end. What I’m realizing, however, is that a little thought, applied to every interaction I have with my audience- will improve my effectiveness.

Take the time to make your list and then see how you can put it into action to help you build your business. There are people who need your services, make it easy for them to see how you add value.

Now that the real presidential election is over, pretend you are running. The office is “President of [your name here]’s Life”.  Successful candidates paint a vision of what life will be like after they’re in office. You need to create a compelling reason for you to win, an ideal vision for [your name here]’s life.

That’s a problem. Visioning doesn’t come naturally to grownups. We’re rewarded if we think logically and realistically. Our self-censorship skills are overdeveloped. I was lucky to work with Chic Thompson, a recognized creativity expert, on a consulting project. Chic talked about studies that showed that creativity peaks when we’re six years old, and then declines until we retire, at which point it starts to rise again. You’re impaired when it comes to your ability to imagine your ”ideal” life. So, naturally, you could use some guidance, right?

Why don’t you start by being clear about what WON’T happen if you win? The easiest first step towards creating your vision is to spend quality time looking at what you’ve learned about what you DON’T like!

What do you complain about or avoid? What disappoints or frustrates you? What makes you crazy? Be as specific as possible. For example, “I hate working all the time” might mean, “I hate missing my kid’s soccer games”, “working past 6 every night stinks” or “I can’t stand that I never get to have a relaxing dinner with my spouse”.

Write it down. Articulating what you DO want can be kickstarted by the exercise of identifying what you don’t. Block time on your calendar and make a good list. Bring it with you the next time we talk vision. To get exceptional results, you must be able to envision what they are!

Resource you might like: Laura Berman Fortgang is master coach who wrote a book called “Now What? 90 Days to a New Life Direction”, available on Amazon.  I became certified in Laura’s coaching program, based on the book, because I often meet lawyers who are thinking about career changes of some sort. This “what you don’t like” exercise is in the book. It’s not my purpose to teach the book in this forum, but I do draw from it and want to point you to more information.

Tomorrow is election day. Presidential elections are always an exciting time in my family, as we don’t all see eye to eye, but there’s no doubt this year is different. It’s not just the candidates, or the times we’re in, but it’s also the first election my daughter is following. She’ll always remember this as her first presidential election. I’ll remember it as the first year I had to be mindful of her political ”upbringing”. I don’t want her to be a kid who just repeats what she hears at home.

At any rate, I can’t seem to concentrate on much else. The calendar might as well have two big red X’s over today and tomorrow. I’m about 50% productive. Finding it hard to focus on work. Scheduled coaching calls aren’t a problem, but everything else- up in the air! I knew I had to do something or the time would be a complete loss. SO- here’s what’s been working for me today.

1. Prioritization- I chose the few most important things for me to do today
2. Deadlines - I put deadlines on each task, artificial, yes- but it works
3. Support - Called a fellow coach and made a commitment to check in at 3pm with my status. He’s someone I don’t want on my case.
4. Rescheduling - Made time later in the week for the work I’m not getting done today. Scheduled the work I’m bagging for today.

So far, so good. I’ve stopped spending time staring at my calendar and dug into the work that WILL get done today. I’m not feeling anxious every time I look at the clock.

I’m all about focus, but sometimes time management includes accepting that it’s just not going to happen.  When that’s the case, be realistic and at least get something done!

Here’s a gift for you:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zErpOnYZZH0 It’s Ben Zander’s 10 minute closing presentation at Davos, and it is inspiring. Zander wrote The Art of Possibility, which is a fantastic book about living into your possibility. Too many good ideas in there for one post. Watch the video.

Waaay back when Fast Company first came out, I loved their “Job Titles of the Future Column”. Jobs like “Chief Inspiration Officer” and “Minister of Order and Reason” were a much better fit for me than “Director, Planning & Analysis” or “Senior Manager, Strategy Practice”. The ideal title I came up with was something like, ”Champion of the What If’s, Why Not’s & (the respectful) So What’s.” As a coach, that title fits, especially if you add a little “now let’s get on with it” flavor to the mix.

What I want for you is to be open to possibility, to choose your possibility, and to get past anything that is in the way of achieving it. Simple but not easy.  Hope you love the video!

The point of this story is that if you do the following five things, you will have extremely grateful and loyal clients who will not hesitate to pay your full fee and will recommend you to anyone with a similar problem.

1. Define your clients and know their pain inside and out
2. Make it easy for them to find you, recognize that you can help them, and want your help
3. Be reassuring, a confident problem-solver throughout the experience, demonstrate your competence
4. Highlight your efforts and results, make the case for your services ongoing by demonstrating the unique value you deliver over and over again
5. Follow up to be sure your client is satisfied and show you care

Warning- If you’re squeamish, see you next time! I’m going to use my recent experience with the head lice lady to illustrate the points. Yup. Head lice. This goes against an excellent Psychotactics  Newletter article, which discussed the importance of using stories that do NOT turn your audience off. I’ve been sitting on this post, but I can’t help publishing, it’s such a perfect example.

My daughter Hanna’s school had sent three different warnings home and checked heads four times before the morning she discovered a teeny critter on her pink towel after washing her hair. The school, and especially her fifth-grade class, had been hit hard.

It was easy to kill the hatched buggers. No problem. It was impossible, however, to remove all the nits (eggs) left glued to the hair, and thus, impossible to get rid of the yucky pests. For 4 days, I did nothing else. We meticulously tried every chemical and homeopathic remedy, and STILL couldn’t get her back to school. Even cut her hair about 4 inches. Washed everything. Each morning we were confident she’d pass the nurse’s inspection. Each time we returned home so very discouraged.

The entire family was desperate. Hanna’s dad found the “Lice Lady” online. Steve googled ‘nit removal’ and her site came up.  Lots of information, detailed testimonials, advice, products for sale. There was a “treatment center” as well as house-call services. The site sold us; we called immediately and left a message. It was Sunday, but the Lice Lady called us back immediately. She knew it was urgent. Despite the truly outrageous fee, we arranged for a “technician” who would come the same day. Hallelujah! What a tremendous relief. (#1- she knew our pain and #2 -easy to find & could solve our problem)

A lovely young lady arrived at our house. She was dressed professionally; heels, a pantsuit and a white lab coat. Mary Poppins might envy her satchel of solutions. Anna Rose introduced herself, unpacked, set up- and went to work. She explained exactly what she would do, why it worked and talked about mistakes people make. She so sorry we had cut Hanna’s hair, she said we hadn’t needed to do that. (#3 - we knew we were in the hands of an expert)

As she worked, she showed us the evidence (trying to be sensitive here, the stuff she was removing from our dear daughter’s head), we became more certain that we could NEVER have done this ourselves. In fact, Hanna clearly would have been in very bad shape if the trained technician hadn’t halted the invasion when she did. At that point- the fee was no longer outrageous. We would have paid anything. I’m not even shy about telling other parents what we spent, because I’m so convinced we had no alternative. I’m skeptical of others whose girls are out of school one day and back the next. I don’t believe that it’s possible to truly clear a kid with long thick hair unless you know the Lice Lady’s secret techniques. (#4 - highlight your efforts and results, demonstrate the unique value)

Before she left, Anna Rose reviewed the program we needed to follow. She spent plenty of time making sure we all understood what to do. She put our fears to rest. She triple-checked Hanna while I looked over her shoulder; I was 100% sure Hanna would be cleared by the nurse. All in all, Anna Rose spent nearly 6 hours at our house. Before she came, I felt overwhelmed and hopeless, afterwards- I felt incredibly relieved.

At about 9pm, after Anna Rose had left the house, the Lice Lady called to make sure we were satisfied. She then called the next day to make sure Hanna was back in school. (#5 - show you care)

Steve and I agree that we’re going to call the service immediately if the issue comes up again. We aren’t going to mess around! (knock on wood, please) We even gave the Lice Lady our principal and nurse’s contact info because she often works with schools. I’ve recommended the service to everyone.

So. That’s the Lice Lady story. Lawyers work with clients who need help.  Can you make your connection equally emotional? Can you do more to show your clients what you do for them? Make them understand what might happen without you? What about follow-up, do you stay connected with your clients?

Jump back up to the 5 story points and think about how you can incorporate each one into your own story. In the end, I’d like to know that some good came out of this awful experience!

OH! Apologies if your head starts itching. Mostly kids under 12 and girls seem to get them…if I didn’t, you won’t…